rss feedThe Club No One Wants to Join.
This post goes out to my lady folk (and men folk because let’s face it, no one is immune to sexual assault).
This post isn’t about being a victim (rightfully or wrongfully).This post is about how even with the attachments of a completely boring mundane life, a woman cannot go without the intrusion of power control via sexual assault in her life.
Significant others, ask your girlfriends if they’ve ever been assaulted. I’ll bet not ONE woman has survived thus far into adulthood without being pressed into an object of desire and been punished for it. “But wait, I haven’t!” — keep searching young lady, you’ll find an incident.
I had, what one might describe as an idyllic childhood, but guess what? Even nice paintings have defects.
I was molested in public, right in front of my father, at a store, by someone who thought grabbing an eleven year old’s ass was appropriate behavior for an adult male.
In college, I was basically date raped by my boyfriend. It’s too complicated and none of anyone’s business why I never reported it, but I now see the errors of my ways. Thinking: “it’s just what happens sometimes in relationships” is not normal.
As an adult I was assaulted on a film set by a makeup artist who pushed me against a wall and forced himself on me. That asshole was easy to wrangle, all five foot three of him, but still, I was in a relaxed safe place, where you’d never expect to get assaulted.
Today I was, for all intents and purposes, groped by a crazy old short man (why are they always little?) while I was trying to send a text to a friend. I guess he wanted good luck as he rushed me and then rubbed his mail over my nether regions before running away, but not before smiling maniacally and depositing his mail into a nearby mailbox.
Add all of those memories up and I still consider my life a lucky one. It seems normal, happy, average, and sometimes mundane. These incidents are minor when compared against harsher sexual assaults, and I would never make light of that. I understand where my experiences stand in relation to and up against the tragedy of others, but for all that is holy, can you not see how impossible it is to feel safe ANYWHERE?
Women will never feel safe.
Women should not roll with it (like I have), and tiny incidents shouldn’t be lumped into some amalgam of “how it is”.
Get angry. Be unreasonable. Fight back**.
And for the love all that is good in this world, don’t stand on a downtown corner in Los Angeles, and try to text someone. Be aware of your surroundings all the time. It’s draining on your soul, but you’re worth it.
If I had not been so shocked that someone would try something so insane against me today, he’d be a little ball of crybaby and we’d both be nursing black eyes.
**I know that a lot of people have been taught to “not fight back” when your life is at stake. Isn’t your life at stake anyway when a weapon is involved? Make peace with your maker and rip out a testicle. That’s my policy.
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You are so right! We must stand up for ourselves. I’ve been blessed to have a safe life, but I have my guys who watch over me and I depend on God, asking for His protection daily. This world is not the same one we grew up in. Especially since I am a bit older. I only experienced one overt touch, which I recently shared with my Honey. It happened when we were in Germany, a very light touch on my backside as I (a 20 year old) walked to town with an acquaintance. My husband assures me touching like that means something entirely different in Europe. Though I was shocked at the time. Then there was the verbal abuse from a jerk in the back of a bus. If only I hadn’t been so shy, I’d have told him off. Perhaps others will learn from our experience.