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What’s new in K-town?

I’ve become accustomed to my tiny space such that I want to trick it out. There’s a closet specifically built for a murphy bed, so I may return it to its original state and install one in there.  The question remains; should I use the closet for a full size bed or a twin and put shelves next to it? Space is at a premium in this 250 sq ft cage so I have to be prudent.

I can’t stand clutter so if I can close it away behind a door, I’m happy. That said, my place is a mess, but that makes my brain askew too. I sit here typing and I see a clump of things next to my desk that need to be put away, yet there they are, taunting me. It’s an odd tug of war.

As for writing updates, the sold screenplay was delivered to the production company and any day now I’m expecting some notes.  I feel as if I have moved upward into a different stage of being a screenwriter and I have a solid feeling of accomplishment.

Also, one of my scripts hasn’t been kicked off the island in what I’ve come to lovingly describe  as Survivor: Agency Edition.

Here’s the scenario:

1. You  submit your screenplay to a Production Company A
2. However, Production Company A only takes screenplays from Agency X
3. You then submit your screenplay to Agency X.
4. If Agency X hasn’t lost your submission (this happened to me), you get sent paperwork clearing them of any liability, CYA paperwork etc.
5. You sign the paperwork and…
6. wait….
7. and wait….
8. and wait……..
9. and… you get the idea….
10. Coverage is being made by readers (you hope) on your script so that the agency can decide on whether to pass it on to Production Company A
11. The coverage is acceptable and your script gets pitched to Production Company A …
12. And this is where I’m at. Stage 11.

What happens next?  Who knows?  As Willy Wonka/Gene Wilder once said: “The suspense is terrible… I hope it’ll last.”

A quick note about networking.

Keep in mind that actors and other entertainment industry related individuals besides producers and production companies are willing and able to hire screenwriters for work. I recently completed a paid assignment that included writing a treatment for an actress who had been asked to submit a reality show idea for the Oprah Winfrey Network. Not completely confident in what a treatment entailed or writing the entire thing, the actress hired me to do the dirty work.

We found ourselves on the same wavelength, discussed what she wanted the show to be like and I set to work writing a treatment she could submit to the agent. I wish her luck because I genuinely like her idea and if she gets brought into the office to pitch the idea further, she’ll take me with her and what writer hates that?

Don’t be afraid to turn over every stone when you’re building your portfolio.

Update #1

I sold a short film entitled “Middle Ground” to a production company in Florida a year or so ago but with the bad economy and their current heavy schedule blocking out time to film my script has proved difficult. Last week they called to inform me they’ve moved into calendar mode and they’re finally blocking out time to film the short.

It’s exciting for me not only from the standpoint that at least one thing I’ve sold in the past year or so will ACTUALLY get produced, but I will also be able to lend a hand as a “co-director”. I would say the position is more like Associate or Assistant Director but as we know the AD is a totally different type of position all together and I won’t be fulfilling that role. The director is giving me the ability shape the story with my input and I’ll be attending the production shoot if my schedule permits. It’s pretty rare to let writers on the set to do anything other than consume craft services.  Any time you are allowed on set (and you’re allowed to open your mouth) is a miracle so take what you can get.

More information as they approach casting mode. They have probably lost the previous actor they had attached because of the prolonged production schedule, but who knows, maybe they’ll find a spectacular replacement.

Update #2

A long awaited interview from a start up internet media company is still awaiting a time slot.

Update #3

Still waiting to hear back from an agency that has Dear Diary. They promised news at the end of the month, but I never hold my breath with these things.

As you can see, not much changes over the span of a few months. What do you do in the interim? Write. Simple as that. Keep working, which brings me to:

Update #4

I am currently working on a feature outline/treatment for a director to shop around. He’s been wanting to do a Western for quite some time and chose one of my four pitches to shop around to his A list contacts. Woot!  Even if he doesn’t reach funding or the story somehow turns out to be something he doesn’t want to do, I’m excited to write in this genre. I’ll shop it around myself if he gets nowhere with it.

Always have a back up plan, people.

Where I live, it’s a mess. And I can’t live in a mess, so what do I do? I try to clean it up. Everywhere I go I see furniture on the street, monitors broken on the sidewalk, and painted tags by people who think the world revolves around warfare.  Well I’m done with it. I spent a good two months calling in refuse and potholes and it’s like a lizard tail here. Remove one sofa from the sidewalk and another appears in its place.

Once I realized that most of the people in this neighborhood are apathetic towards their surroundings, I gave up. You can’t fix apathy without a major campaign and let’s face it, I spend every waking moment raking in the pennies to pay the rent. I don’t have time to take that crown, however if there were a job description entitled: Neighborhood Kick Ass Queen, I might take it for 5 figures.

So Koreatown, you can suck it hard. I hate you and your dirty streets. And while I won’t add to the destruction, I will casually walk by and laugh inside my head at the idiot who thinks leaving their dog’s crap on the sidewalk is okay. Feh! to you sir or madam, you have been branded with a giant L on your forehead.

I’m stuck here for the time being in this hamster cage, a place I’ve come to love with a few exceptions, so it’s too bad I can’t lift this property off the ground and transplant it somewhere people give a shit about their surroundings. Forgive my language. I’m usually pretty reserved online, but I just can’t think of any other word that accurately describes this area of town. Shit + Hole = North Koreatown

Now don’t get up in my frill about how lovely and awesome this place is. From a shopping, restaurant and daily cavorting standpoint, it’s a decent place, but you’re thinking Wilshire Ave. Push the edge a little north why don’t yah, spend a month living here and you’ll know exactly what I mean. I don’t pass judgement without a reason.

Hey dumbass, why’d you pick it anyway?

Money people. Money. My apartment is cheap. I am poor. Do the math.  I’m grateful I even have a place I can afford in this city without having to shack up with someone else. Don’t get me wrong.

Venting  online makes it easier to live here. That’s all it is.

The mark of a new writer, especially a writer moving from narrative to the screenplay format is easy to spot. The page is usually heavy with ink, and every step of every character is notated. It’s important to give actors a motion or prop to deal with in a scene, but I don’t need to see a simple entrance into an office take up an entire page.

What do you mean?

I know, I know: you’re told to describe actions visually, be the director, use the words to direct the action, blah blah blah. You need a good “bad” example of what I’m talking about. The one I found today came from all places a song by Weird Al Yankovic. If the lyrics to his song were turned into a scene, people would be slamming themselves into a wall to get away from your script. As a song it’s absolutely hilarious, but read it visually as scene in a screenplay.

My comments are in red.

“Trapped In The Drive-Thru” by Weird Al Yankovic.

Seven O’clock in the evening
Watchin somethin’ stupid on TV
I’m zoned out on the sofa
When my wife comes in the room and sees me

She says “Is this ‘Behind the Music’
With Lynard Skynard?”
And I say “I don’t know.
Say, it’s gettin’ late…what you wanna do for dinner?

She says “I kinda had a big lunch.
So I’m not super hungry.”
I said “Well you know, baby, I’m not starvin’ either
But I could eat.”

She said “So what do you have in mind?”
I said “I don’t know what about you?”
She said “I don’t care, if you’re hungry, let’s eat.”
I said “That’s what we’re gonna do!”

“But first you gotta tell me
What it is you’re hungry for!”
And she says “Let me think…
…What’s left in our refrigerator?”

I said “Well, there’s tuna, I know.”
She said “That went bad a week ago!”
I said “Is the chili OK?”
She said “You finished that yesterday!”

I hopped up and I said
“I don’t know, do you want to get something delivered?”
She’s like “Why would I want to eat liver?
I don’t even like liver!”

I’m like “No, I said ‘delivered’.”
She’s like “I heard you say liver!”
I’m like “I should know what I said…”
She’s like “Whatever, I just don’t want any liver!”

–Okay, not bad so far.  It’s mostly dialog, and perhaps a bit redundant (for a scene).

Well I was gonna say something
But my cell phone started to ring
Now who could be callin’ me?
Well I checked my caller ID

It was just cousin Larry
Callin’ for the third time today…
My wife said “Let it go to voicemail.”
I said, “OK.”

“Where were we? Oh, Dinner, Right
So what d’ya want to do?”
She said “Why don’t you whip up somethin in the kitchen?”
“Yeah,” I said, “Why don’t you?”

And then she said “Baby, can’t we just go out to dinner, please?”
I says “No”
She says “Yes”
I says “No”
She says “Yes”
I says “No”
She says “Yes…
…Oh, here’s your keys”

I step a little bit closer
Say “OK, where ya want to go?”
She says “How about The Ivy?”
I said “Yeah, well I don’t know…”

I don’t feel like gettin all dressed up
And eatin’ expensive food
She’s says “Olive Garden?”
I say “Nah, I’m not in the mood…

…And Burrito King would make me gassy
There’s no doubt”
She says “Just forget about it”
I said “No, I swear I’m gonna take you out!”

Then I get an idea
I says “I know what we’ll do!”
She says “What?”
I say “Guess”
She says “What?”
I say “We’re goin’ to the drive-thru!”

–Hold on, we’re STILL at the same point in our story. Deciding what the heck to eat.

So we head out the front door
Open the garage door
Then I open the car doors
And we get in those car doors

Put my key in the ignition
And then I turn it sideways
Then we fasten our seat belts
As we pull out the driveway

–Just get in the darn car and go, we don’t need to know a key turns the car on, we don’t need to see the characters open car doors, just GET IN THE CAR. (I know sometimes it’s necessary to describe an action such as opening a car door, but if you can remove it and the story doesn’t change, what good is it? Opening the door better be integral to your story.)

Then we drive to the drive-thru
Heading off to the drive-thru
We’re approaching the drive-thru
Getting close to the drive-thru!

Almost there at the drive-thru
Now we’re here at the drive thru
Here in line at the drive-thru
Did I mention the drive-thru?

Well here we are
In the drive-thru line, me and her.
Cars in front of us, cars in back of us.
All just waiting to order

— Still in the drive thru???? What page are we on, ten?

There’s some idiot in a Volvo
With his brights on behind me
I lean out the window and scream
“Hey, What you trying to do, blind me?”

My wife says “Maybe we should park…
…We could just go eat inside.”
I said “I’m wearin’ bunny slippers
So I ain’t leavin’ this ride…”

Now a woman on a speaker box
Is sayin’ “Can I take your order, please?”
I said “Yes indeed, you certainly can
We’d like two hamburgers with onions and cheese.”

Then my wife says
“Baby, hold on, I’ve changed my mind!
I think I’m gonna have a chicken sandwich
Instead, this time”

I said “You always get a cheeseburger!”
She says “That’s not what I’m hungry for.”
I put my head in my hands and screamed,
“I don’t know who you are anymore!”

The voice on the speaker says
“I don’t have all day!”
I said “Then, take our order,
And we’ll be on our way!

I wanna get a chicken sandwich
And I want a cheeseburger, too
She’s like “You want onions on that?”
I’m like “Yeah, I already said that I do…

…Plus we need curly fries
And don’t you dare forget it!
And two medium root beers
No, just one, we’ll split it.”

Then I said “I’m guessin’ that
You’re probably not too bright…
So read me back my order
Let’s make sure you got it right.”

She says “One, you want a chicken sandwich.
Two, you want a cheeseburger
Three, curly fries, and a large root beer”
“Stop, don’t go no further!”

“I never ordered a large rootbeer
I said medium, not large!”
Then she says “We’re havin’ a special,
I supersized you at no charge.”

“Oh.” And that’s all
I could say, was “Oh.”
And she says “Now there is somethin’ else
That I really think you should know.

You can have unlimited refills
For just a quarter more…”
I say “Great, except we’re in the drive thru…
So what would I want that for?”

Then she says “Wait a minute
Your voice sounds so familiar…hey, is this Paul?
And my wife is all like “No, that ain’t Paul,
Now tell me, who’s this Paul?

She says “Oh, he’s just some guy
Who goes to school with me.
I sat behind him last year
And I copied off him in Geometry.

I said “I know a guy named Paul.
He used to be my plumber
He was prematurely bald
And he moved to Pittsburgh last summer.

He also had bladder problems
And a really bad infection on his toe.”
And she said “Mister, please, you can stop right there,
That’s way more than I needed to know!”

And then we both were quiet
And things got real intense
Then she says “Next window please,
That’ll be five dollars and eighty two cents.”

So we inched ahead in line
Movin’ painfully slow
I got a little bored
So I turned on the radio…

[Song plays]

[Click] Turned it off
Because my wife was getting a headache
So we both just sat there quietly
For her sake.

Then I looked at her
And she looked back at me
And I said “Um,
I think you have somethin’ in your teeth.”

She turned away from me
And then turned back and said “Did I get it?”
I said “Yeah. Well, I mean, most of it…
But hey, ya know, don’t sweat it.”

Then she said “How about now?”
I said “Yeah, almost.
There’s still a little bit there
But don’t worry, it’s probably just a piece of toast.”

Now we’re at the pay window
Or whatever you call it
Put my hand in my pocket
I can’t believe there’s no wallet!

And the lady at the window’s like,
“Well, well, well, that’ll be five eighty two.”
I turn around to my wife, and say
“How much have you got on you?”

She just rolls her eyes and says
“I’ll pay for this, I guess.”
So she reaches into her purse
And busts out the American Express

I hand it to the lady
And she says “Oh, dear.
It’s gotta be cash only
We don’t take credit cards here.”

I took back the card and said
“Gee, really? Well that sucks.”
And that’s when I found out
My wife was only carryin’ three bucks.

I said “I thought you were
Going to hit the ATM today”
She says “I never got around to it
So where’s your wallet anyway?

And I said “Nevermind,
Just help me to find some change…”
Now the lady at the window
Is lookin at me kinda strange…

And she says “Mister, please,
We gotta move this line along”
I said “Now hold your stinkin’ horses lady,
We won’t be long.”

We looked around inside the glove-box
And check the mat beneath my feet
I found a nickel in the ashtray
And a couple pennies and a dime in the space between he seats

– o.O

Before long I had a little pile
Of coins of every sort
The lady counts it up and says
“You’re still about a dollar short”

And now my woman’s got this weird look
Frozen on her face
She screams, “you know
I wasn’t even really hungry in the first place”

And so I turned around
To the cashier again
I shrugged and said “OK
Forget the chicken sandwich then”

So I pick up my change
Pick up my receipt
And I drive to the pickup window
Man, I just can’t wait to eat

And now we see this acne ridden
Kid about sixteen
Wearin’ a dorky nametag that says
“Hello, my name is Eugene.”

And he hands me a paper bag
I look him in the eyes
And I say to him “Hey, Eugene,
Can I get some ketchup for my fries?”

Well he looks at me
And I look at him
And he looks at me
And I look at him

And he looks at me
And I look at him
And he says “I’m sorry
What did you want again?”

I say “Ketchup!”
And he says “Oh yeah, that’s right…
…I just spaced out there for a second
I’m really kind of burnt tonight.”

And then he hands me the ketchup
And now we’re finally drivin’ away
And the food is drivin’ me mad
With its intoxicating bouquet

I’m starvin’ to death
By the time we pull up at the traffic light
I say “Baby, gimme that burger,
I just gotta have a bite!”

So she reaches in the bag
And pulls out the burger
And she hands me the burger
And I pick up the burger

And then I unwrap the paper
I bite into those buns
And I just can’t believe it
They forgot the onions!

— What did you learn in this scene (if it were a scene in a movie)? A whole lot of nothing, which I think is partially Weird Al’s point.  We’ve been chit chatted to death.

---

Anything your characters say or  do without pushing the story forward kills momentum and makes a movie drag.  I love looking for examples in other mediums such as songs, or poems. They’re all stories, just with different paces and expectations.  Once you’re writing in a brief manner, you’re going to find that you’ll be able to make your point faster in regular conversation too.

Go Forth and be Concise.

If you’re interested in hearing this song, it’s available on youtube here: http://www.youtube.com/user/alyankovicVEVO#p/u

It’s three a.m. in the morning and I’m sitting here wide awake thinking about pain and what it means to me as a writer. I’m not talking about physical pain, but rather the mental anguish that supposedly comes hand in hand with good writing. If we as humans have no pain to access, how can we give a character that same sense of emotion if we have no context.

When I first started writing with serious intentions, I wondered if I had enough ‘abuse’ in my life to come close to the depths I thought I might need for writing anything worthy of publication. I was frozen with fear that I didn’t have it in me to write with passion or pain. To prove how easy it is to scare a new writer, just flick on your computer. It’s easy to find articles about past generation writers who lived with demons clawing at their coat tails as they typed themselves into a Pulitzer.  I didn’t have that growing up, or at  first when I started exploring my past, I didn’t think I did.

But I do, and we all do.

To throw out one example (which I am comfortable talking about):

I spent most of my life thinking that divorce is average. If half of all the marriages in the United States end in divorce, why should I, a child of eleven, now forty find pain in something so average. Maybe you also grew up in idyllic circumstances, free from starvation, free from parents with addictions, and in what you would call a solid family existence. Where is the pain in that?  How can I as a writer find anything to access in a life so pretty?

Divorce is pain, for the participants and for the fallout victims (the children). Maybe it’s okay to look back on those memories as more than average, and greater than what the brain can handle. What did my parent’s divorce do to me such that I can access that pain when I’m writing? It gave me a sense of loss that was never recovered to any sense of normalcy. It unhinged a foundation that is by all normal standards suppose to remain in place. I never learned that moving on was a possibility.  All I could see growing up was loss when relative after relative divorced. Why bother gaining love when you lose it anyway? That’s why I’m not married. That’s why I don’t have children. Because I will (based on raw data) lose them.  No one ever taught me that you can move on from that…to this very day.  So here we are; we have arrived and accessed emotion dark enough to translate into story.

Find your own personal anguish because pain is the one thing that makes us feel truly alive.  When we can connect over pain, I feel a true bridge is built between the mind of the writer, and the mind of the reader.